In Grief, We Lean, We Learn

This God--his way is perfect;

the word of the LORD proves true;

he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

Psalm 18:30

Having to disagree with actions a friend has taken is never easy.  In fact when this happens, my stomach is the first part of me affected.  It ends up in knots.  Then those knots make their way to my throat and I choke up in brokenness for that friend.  At this point the floodgates usually open and the tears fall unbidden.  Part of me just wants to run away from it all and just forget we were ever friends, after all, I don’t need this drama in my life and perhaps it is best if we just part ways here and now.  Part of me is angry, wanting to lash out speak my mind because how could someone know what the Bible says on this and still make bad choices?  Doesn’t this friend know how this will affect herself?  Her family?  Her friends?  Oh wait…and her Christian walk.  Yeah…that too!  Yes, at this point, in my anger I am getting snarky.  Then I realize I am fleshing this out with my own feelings and reality begins to sink in.  While I was throwing in the last concern on my mind, it should have been my first concern.    

I take a deep breath and get a grip on my emotions and pray.  Usually that prayer sounds something like this.  “Lord, I am grieved over the choices my friend is making.  If I am grieved, how much more must you be grieving?”  I am angry.  This time it's not at the person, but at the choices being made.  When you spend time developing a relationship with your Heavenly Father, you see the everyday things very differently.  You begin to own the message you have learned over time, since the day you were saved.  Did you catch that?  You own the message you have been learning.  One of the hardest things for me to overcome is worrying about what others think because the most important part in all this is what God thinks.   

As I am praying, I ask God to give me direction.  In reality, I am a big chicken.  I fret over how people will respond to the truth.  I tend to convince myself that I am not worthy enough to speak out.  What I have to remember is that God equips us for each and every moment.  It takes me being willing to leap knowing that truth sets us free.  God isn’t finished with me yet and I continue to be a work in progress.  I will continue to be a work in progress until God calls me home.  

A recent experience has affected not only me, but my children.  They are learning from a front row seat that choices have consequences and are at an age where I need to shield them less and let them grieve too.  As a mom, this has become the hardest part.  I have wept with them while sharing from scripture why the choices are wrong but God is still in control and changes can be made.  To pray with them as they too grieve, trying to keep my emotions in check, at least until I am out of sight from them.  To show them how to love the unlovely by wrapping the unlovely in prayer.  It was just last year that I was practicing these exact things because of a choices one of my children was making.  To hear this child say to me “mom, that could have been me if I hadn’t changed.”  The tears flow because we are now at the heart of the matter.  The realization this child has made through this process is overwhelming in joy to this tender hearted mom who didn’t think we would ever reach this other side.  I have prayed rejoicing prayers like I have never prayed before.  I continue to pray that both my children can learn through the hard paths.  It will make them stronger and more compassionate over time.  It is right to grieve over the sins of another.  To teach them that while we grieve, there is still a right path to be taken.  It is also right to stand firm in the truth that God’s ways are best.

I grew up singing this song with Patch the Pirate Goes West and my kids have sung it since they were 2 and 3 years of age.  It is fitting to sing even now.


From the very start, have purpose in your heart
To do what's right, and never question why
Never count the cost though everything seems lost
The price for doing right is sometimes high

Right is always right and wrong is always wrong
And we must learn to separate the two.
If you love the right, the Lord will give you light;
So seek the right in everything you do!

Do right till the stars fall.
Do right till the last call.
Do right when there no one else to stand by you.
Do right when you're all alone.
Do right though it never known.
Do right since you love the Lord.
Do right! Do right!

Words by Frank Garlock