Just Hang On...It's So Worth It!

It has been over a month since I have posted to my blog.  Life has been busy.  Sadly I have not honored God in my choices with food and because of being busy, I haven't made it to the gym very much over this past month.  (Tomorrow I will post a weigh in report...regardless of how bad...or dare I hope, good it is.)  Yesterday we were able to get back into a more normal routine and I loved being at the gym again.  All that being said, today I was thinking about what God has taught and is teaching me through this journey called life and I am sharing with you because I think it may encourage you as well. For years I have prayed "Lord, I want to desire you more.  I want to long for you.  I am not sure how to do that though, so please show me what it takes to do that."  God hears our prayers...and for me, that took reaching the bottom where I had no where to turn except to Him in life experiences through parenting.  I have felt the "dry and thirsty land" and have experienced God in ways I never dreamed.  No, it wasn't all pleasant and yet it has been worth it.  God is faithful. 

For the past month, there has been more of a peace and calm. It actually feels awkward. In fact, the past few days I have found myself actually breathing again...smiling often even. We have not had a calmness like this in months.  Yes, there have been a few times where it could have gone bad...but even in those times, it was less intense.  Yes, I am still being wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove, and am adding "careful to exhale too much just yet." We were a long time in reaching bottom and were there a long time as well and it is going to take a long time to get to the point where trust has been earned again.

Now, because it has been very calm, I have had opportunity to reflect. I mean REALLY reflect on how I have grown through all these parenting challenges.  I can't help but think that a part of this whole adventure and a purpose for this journey is to teach me about loving the unlovable more. I choke up every time I think about that. I know that I am not always lovable and yet God chooses to love any ways.

Matthew 5:42-48 has come to mind often the past several months.

42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

I cannot go one day without thinking the following:

My God is giving and I am selfish apart from Him.

My God is righteous and I am disobedient apart from Him.

My God is in control and I am incapable apart from Him.

My God is holy and I am sinful apart from Him.

My God is powerful and I am helpless apart from Him.

My God is great and I am small apart from Him.
 
My God is humble and I am prideful apart from Him.

My God is strong and I am weak apart from Him.

My God is all wise and I am foolish apart from Him.


This journey has NOT returned void in my heart and life. In fact, it has been a blessing.  An opportunity to learn to experience a wee smidgen of what God experiences with me in all my humanness.  There is purpose in everything God allows, I need to learn from it.  I have had to make harder choices than I ever imagined as a parent. I have only known a couple moms in my life who have had to make the choices I have had to make.  I am that mom who has felt as though she was wandering alone. The fears as to where this journey will lead are very real. But there have been songs in the night...and they are very real too.  I am hopeful that we have rounded the bend in this journey and are heading to less rocky paths...time will tell.  But, if this is not the case, I know I can continue to keep on keeping on because His grace is sufficient. 

When life's burdens get so heavy
and it seems I'm all alone,
I cast my care on Jesus
and come boldly to His throne.
For I find His grace sufficient
when His promises I heed.
And His very life He sacrificed,
and He lives to intercede.

He is the Lord of lords, 

and when He speaks, winds and waves obey.
When Jesus whispers peace be still then darkness turns to day.
And as I'm trusting in my Saviour's Word, 

doubts and fears all cease.

And beneath the shelter of His wings 

I'm at rest, in perfect peace.

I will seek for souls in darkness, 

Calv’ry’s love with them to share.

Empowered by His spirit, 

I will follow anywhere!

For I know what e’er befall me, 

my God is in control

And as my mind is stayed on Him, 

perfect peace He gives my soul!

He is the Lord of lords, 

and when He speaks, winds and waves obey.
When Jesus whispers peace be still then darkness turns to day.
And as I'm trusting in my Saviour's Word, 

doubts and fears all cease.

And beneath the shelter of His wings 

I'm at rest, in perfect peace.
"Perfect Peace" by Joe Zichterman, 1991, The Wild's Songbook

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