First Choice

As I was treading water today, I was thinking about some things.  One of those things was how my daughter, who is adopted, will take a stab at times when she is angry and inform me that "after all mom, you weren't God's first pick to be my mother" as if those words would change my mind and let her have her way.  As I was thinking about that, I was grieved.  Not because of her saying those words, but because it got me thinking about how when I choose food over God in my life for comfort, it is like telling God that He isn't my first pick to take care of me.  That thought stung.  In fact, as I was kicking my legs and paddling my arms in the water, my eyes welled up with sorrow.  Like when Peter realized he had fulfilled what Christ had said he would do and denied Him 3 times.  He went away and wept bitterly.  (That passage is found in Luke 22:54-62.)  How could I have been so blind to not see that I don't need food to comfort me.  In fact, it only brings temporary relief, not eternal relief.  And not only that, it has consequences of having a body that is much larger than it should be with pain that shouldn't be experienced physically (and emotionally for that matter).  I am so thankful for a patient God.  Just like I won't stop loving my daughter because of her comments, God doesn't stop loving me when I don't make Him my first choice for comfort.  He patiently waits for me to come to my senses and realize how much, in fact, that He does love me.  All He wants of me is to repent and change my pattern to seeking Him first.  It is Godly sorrow that brings true repentance.

"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."  
2 Corinthians 7:10

I love teachable moments.  Not only with my children, but also when they happen with me.  It was a bitter realization I had this morning but God enables me to change.  Change to be more like Him.