Anniversary Getaways...

....are good for more than just celebrating 19 years married....

 This past weekend my husband and I got away without children or dog to care for and I was able to come to grips with reality.  It hurt.  No, my husband and I are fine.  I love him to pieces and am very thankful to have had 19 years married to him.  The reality came when I had time to think about how I truly had given up with the weight loss.  I weighed myself this weekend and I was horrified at what I saw.  I had avoided the scale for almost 3 months.  I had gone back to old habits.  I have had to dig out clothes from the larger size bins.  My low back has been hurting like it did 3 years ago...and this past weekend I couldn't shop like I had hoped for Christmas presents because of the excruciating pain.  I should have expected this result...after all, I wasn't doing anything to stay on track.  I really debated in mind if I should wait until after Christmas to begin again but after praying out this matter and just listening to my heart, I know to wait would be even more detrimental.  I cannot afford Weight Watchers online any more so I am heading back to Sparkpeople and wiped that slate clean to start over.  I know I can do this.  I have done it before...with God's grace.  

Now that I mention God's grace, I must share something.  I have learned that it is possible to keep on track with my devotions and yet not keep all points surrendered.  I was no longer surrendering my eating to Him.  When the thought would come to mind, I would quickly jump to "oh, and Lord, please help (fill in the blank with any name) because they need you to help them with (fill in the blank with any struggle)" and yet I was totally avoiding my own heart struggle.  Thankful for God's grace.  He knows where I need to be and I can trust Him to help me get back on track.  I am looking forward to once again walking 2-3 miles every day come this next Spring (my hubby walks the dog for me in the winter because it is too dark in the mornings as well as he worries I might fall if it is too slick out).  My friend Kathy and I, Lord willing, will be starting to exercise together at our hospital's rehab gym starting in January.  That will be a big help to getting me moving again.

So there you have it.  I have 2 choices at this point.  One of them has much better results than the other.  I can choose to live with pain and not being able to do the things I enjoy or I can get off my backside, refocus my heart, and live life the way God wants me to live it.  I am choosing the latter.  

Yes, I can count it all joy to have the ability to begin again.  (James 1:2)