Life is like an onion....

...you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. 


This morning in my quiet time, I was thinking back to a time 10 years ago where I was learning all about the ups and downs of choosing a hard path.  Let me take you back to that time as a part of remembering the past to give courage for the future.  It is hard for me to write about this without getting choked up because it was such a growing experience.  Imagine having 2 foster children in your home for 5 months.  In those 5 months you had gotten very attached to those children.  Their birth mom was waiting for a date with the courts to terminate her parental rights but the courts wanted to terminate the birth fathers (they have same birth mom but different fathers and because of her lifestyle, it was uncertain as to who the fathers even were) rights at the same time.  In order for that to happen, a notice had to be published in a local newspaper on 3 different occasions, requesting that "the father of child born on such and such a date to this particular woman has been officially given notice to the impending termination of said child's parental rights" and then we had to wait.  Each time I saw that notice, I couldn't help but be gripped with fear.  What if either of their birth fathers stepped up?  What if I had to give these children back?  So many times I prayed "Lord, regardless of how this turns out, help me to trust that you are in control and you know what is best."  I know that my friends who have adopted through the foster system can relate to these fears and if you have never walked this road, you won't understand the risk that one takes in the adoption process.  That period of time was gift however.  It caused me to grow in ways I would have not otherwise grown.  I had to trust that if either of their birth fathers stepped forward and wanted them, that God would look out for them and protect them and that we would have done to the best of ability what God had called us to do in that short period of time.  Now imagine my relief when our social worker called us to let us know that the periods of publishing the notice and the waiting period was over and that on June 16, 2003 the hearing for the termination of all parental rights was going to take place.  

One thing I learned is that when God asks you to take a leap of faith in obedience, the ups and downs make us stronger.  I would like to believe that if the outcome had been different, I would still be just as strong because God is always wise in what He does.  The journey continues, but now as parents.  When I get discouraged and feel that I am totally messing up, I can look to the past and remember that God doesn't call us to something and then abandon us.  He goes right along with us and will not allow anything to happen that is apart from His will.  Yes, my children will make choices on their own some day and I pray they are ones that honor God but even if they choose to abandon what they have been taught, I can rest in knowing that I did what God called me to do.

As I was thinking back this morning, the following passages came to mind:

Isaiah 40:28-31

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Psalm 18:32-36

It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places.
He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.
Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.
Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.

What awesome promises.  Remember the past things God had done to give strength for the present journey.