Now over the course of the past several months, as I have been spending more time in study and prayer, I have felt the Holy Spirit's urging me to be more bold and share more outwardly what Christ is doing in my life. As I sat there listening to our Pastor explaining to our son that allowing fears to hold us back from walking in obedience is sin I was convicted of those very things in my own heart. My son has wanted to be baptized for quite some time but the fears of what others may think has kept him from leaping forward. He is like me in that it becomes hard for him to think clearly when the entire focus is on him concerning serious things.
Why I am typing up this blog post? It is because yesterday I leaped. The two people that normally play the piano for prayer meeting were not able to be present at prayer meeting. As I was working out at the gym yesterday I heard in my heart "Ruth, you can do this. You can play for prayer meeting. Even if it's just the right hand, you can do this." I sent a text to our pastor sharing how his conversation with my son had also spoke to me and told him I was willing to play the piano for prayer meeting. You see, I knew if I shared that, I would be held accountable as I knew it would be easier to back out if I didn't share it with someone.You better believe I have never practiced 2 songs so much in one afternoon before yesterday. When I kept hitting the same wrong notes even though I would go back and work on those sections, I had to remind myself that God would be glorified regardless of how I sounded. With trembling fingers I sat at the piano last night, fighting back fear in order to play the best that I could for God's glory. Yes, I made mistakes and yes I ended up playing just the right hand through some of it...but with God's help I made it through. When desires to please God and be used for His purposes becomes greater than self you can accomplish things you feel unworthy of accomplishing.
Now I know I didn't play like the people on my MP3 player...and in fact was far from it but to one little girl who heard me practicing, unbeknownst to me, it must have made an impact. You can always count on Sidney to give a compliment and I know she must have heard me practicing before church because she was in the kids program last night and not present in prayer meeting. As soon as she saw me after church she excitedly said "Mrs Ruth! I heard you play the piano!" "Oh you did, huh?" I replied. Her face lit up as she burst out with "IT WAS AWESOME!" and then she went back to playing with her friends. I was glad for her turning away because she didn't see the tears roll down my face. At least for one little girl I had made an impact for Christ. She had no idea of my fears...she only saw that I had done my best.
I truly desire to make more of an impact for Christ and there are many hurdles of fear that need to be overcome in order to do that...but His grace IS sufficient and I need to put aside pride and fear and continue to leap in faith believing that regardless of my humanness, God will use me if I let Him.
"And he said unto me,
My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Most gladly therefore will I rather glory
in my infirmities, that the power of
Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
6 comments:
This makes me teary. So proud of you, friend. And what a tremendous opportunity to "train up a child" by your example of conquering fear. Inspiring. I love you.
Thanks friend. Love you too.
Ruth, this blessed my heart tremendously! You see, I share a similar story. I took accordion lessons for a few years when I was in junior high. However, even though I kept my accordion and all the music, I never played it publicly during the years I was married. I played it once after Paul died to accompany Misty and I as we sang one Sunday. Pastor Cain would often try to encourage me to play it but I just made excuses. I don't know if you realize that during the winter months we usually meet for prayer meeting in a room upstairs because it is not worth heating the entire auditorium for the small number that attend. We never sing because there is no piano. At times there seemed to be no real life in the prayer time. In January the Lord began to speak to me about offering to play my accordion so we could sing. Pastor agreed to try it. The first few weeks, in spite of playing the hymn almost perfectly when practicing at home, I would mess up at church. I was discouraged and wanted to quit but I kept going. The last few weeks I have done much better because I prayed and ask God to use my service for His glory.
Thanks for sharing that Mrs. Snow. Keep on playing for the Lord.
Love this, Ruth. Good for you for being brave, and thanks for sharing and encouraging us to do the same!
Thank Beth!
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