I was so tired from hiding from myself...

...and then there was relief.

  (This post is basically a continuation of my post last night so perhaps if you didn't see the previous post already, you may want to read that first so you understand better where this post is coming from.)

This morning my quiet time was such a joy.  I know some of you can relate to what I am about to say because you have been there...or maybe you are there now.  The past couple months my Bible quiet time was a chore.  I dreaded it but yet kept doing it because I knew it was the right thing to do...after all I am a Christian and that is what a Christian does, right?   I was really fighting to hang onto the joy.  Desperately trying.  But I was hiding from myself...and ultimately trying to hide was was going on in my heart from my Father in heaven.  You see, I knew I had stopped surrendering my eating because it was getting hard to keep up with every day life.  My folks were having so many medical issues, I had pneumonia, we were trying to keep up with school in the midst of all that, I had mom things that needed to be done, and to try to keep a food journal, buy what was healthy, and jump through all those hoops, just felt too much for me.  The easiest to give up was the diet.  Yet, looking back, I knew in my heart that God was not giving me more than I could handle.  Instead, He was wanting me to surrender it ALL to Him.  I felt so ashamed that to even try to get back on track seemed futile.  The devil is sneaky.  He looks for an "in" to our lives.  He found my "in" and for a while, had the victory.  No more.  This morning in my quiet time, it was very evident that God never gave up on me.  I didn't want my quiet time to end, but alas I needed to get to the tasks for the day.  

This morning Isaiah 53:6 came to mind where Scripture talks about all of us being like sheep and going our own way.  So thankful for grace...grace that leads us to the right path and brings peace.  God is sovereign creator of the world and to go my own way, apart from Him, is rebellion.  It is sin.  Grace is what allows us to come back to Him.  We can never have a valid reason for going our own way and God, because He loves us, allows for us to be uncomfortable until we come back to Him.  

O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing

O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer’s praise,
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace!

My gracious Master and my God,
Assist me to proclaim,
To spread through all the earth abroad
The honors of Thy name.

Jesus! the name that charms our fears,
That bids our sorrows cease;
’Tis music in the sinner’s ears,
’Tis life, and health, and peace.

He breaks the power of canceled sin,
He sets the prisoner free;
His blood can make the foulest clean,
His blood availed for me.

He speaks, and, listening to His voice,
New life the dead receive,
The mournful, broken hearts rejoice,
The humble poor believe.

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Savior come,
And leap, ye lame, for joy.

Glory to God, and praise and love
Be ever, ever given,
By saints below and saints above,
The church in earth and heaven.

See all your sins on Jesus laid:
The Lamb of God was slain,
His soul was once an offering made
For every soul of man.

Hymn by Charles Wesley