I will not sugar coat it. I am mad, embarrassed, and humbled all at the same time. I totally went off the deep end the past 2 weeks, eating what I wanted when I wanted and while I knew in the back of my mind it was wrong, I did it anyways. I know that part of my struggle is that I can't afford to use Weight Watchers Online any more and I am having to change the way I have planned to eat because I have gone from points to counting calories. I know I can do the counting calories and still lose weight and it is just a matter of getting into a new groove. I will not lie however. I am weary in this journey. Apparently more weary than I realized...until last night. Reality began to set in that there should (I say should...because I could have chosen NOT to weigh in) be a weigh-in on Friday as planned. I tell you what. I gave myself the pep-talk of a life time in the night every time I woke up...which was often it seemed. It went something like this:
"Okay, so you messed up. What are going to choose to do now? You can't give up. You just can't. Your health and your ability to function depend on you losing this weight. Think of how much better you feel and how many more activities you are able to do. Think of how much cheaper your clothes are now that you can buy some of them in the regular sizes and not in tent sizes. Most importantly, remember how you have learned to depend on God to satisfy your heart instead of turning to food."
BINGO! That is what I need to remember most of all...
Yep, the "remember the past to help you with the present journey" passages came to mind from Scripture. Here is just one of many that came to mind:
Hebrews 10:32, 35-36 "But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions... Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise."
These are probably some of the hardest words I have to type in a long time but I need to type them because while it is fun to report how much I lost each week, part of being accountable is being honest and reporting the gains as well.
TODAY THE SCALE SHOWED A GAIN OF 7 POUNDS.
Am I grieved by this? Most definitely. Does it make me want to quit? Yes. But quitting won't solve anything. I need to return to what I know is right. I need to return to a heart of surrender. Does this mean I won't struggle any more? No. In fact, I will struggle more now than when I first started the journey because I have spent time wandering and it takes courage to get back on course. Thankfully, I know my God is bigger than this. He can do exceeding abundantly above what I ask or think.
"I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are right,
And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort,
According to Your word to Your servant.
Let Your tender mercies come to me, that I may live;
For Your law is my delight."
~Psalm 119:75–77
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