Remember. Repent. Refocus.

Two words.  Starting over.  Hopeless words.  Lacking rest.  Lost focus.  I’m there.

I have had a really hard time getting on track.  Staying on track.  I have derailed. 

The past month or so I have just given up on the commitment I had made to God and to myself to get healthy, feel better, and accomplish something in the area of weight loss and exercise.  This downward spiral actually began about 4 months ago and now I am where I am.  It is hard to stop and reverse gears on train that is barreling in the wrong direction.  I am there.  I am at the point where it could be of no return, except for my desire to get back on track.  The right track.  The past couple weeks I have felt so sad.  I have felt the pain of wrong choices and at one point didn’t ever desire to even try again.  I began, about a week ago, to search my heart again and that involved surrendering this journey, yet again, back to the One who can ultimately help me succeed.  I cannot beat myself up with “If only you had stayed on track.  You would have reached your first goal by now.  You are so stupid!”  And yet that is what I have been dwelling on.  When will I get it?  When will I realize that choices have consequences?  When will I truly surrender this at the foot of the cross and leave it there?  As I have thought about that, I have once again realized that this will be a battle that must be fought daily…sometimes hourly…until we are received up in glory and we no longer struggle with our flesh.  I have wept over this today…not because I failed, but because glory will be such a relief.  To no longer battle fleshly desires and no longer struggle with myself.  I need to refocus.

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  

 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  

I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”  

 Isaiah 43:18-19

“Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, 

that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord….”   

Acts 3:19-20a

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, 

O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.”  

 Psalm 138:8

So...new thoughts need to fill my mind which requires a new first line for this blog post:

I’m here.  New focus.  Finding rest.  Hopeful Words.  Starting over.  Two words.